A Schizoaffective Story Time: A Weird Experience

As all of the articles within the A Schizoaffective Story Time series are about events which have taken place a couple of years ago, I have decided to share the true story of an event that has taken place recently. This event occurred on Sunday 16th September 2016 during the early hours of the morning, 3:20am to be exact.

It all began with my relaxing as usual in the lounge of my apartment, there was not a single thing that was out of the norm, it was simply a typical night. I was alone at this point as my father was elsewhere within the apartment or its surroundings.

The apartment has large bay windows which overlooks the main road that runs into the town, as well as the river and marsh which is situated on the other side of the road; it is a spectacular view. I spend a rather large amount of time looking out of this window, observing the quiet of night; which was exactly what I was doing before the following event occurred.

One minute I was there, observing the world from the windows of my apartment, and the next I was not; everything was completely covered in darkness, there was not a thing to be seen. Although I couldn’t see, I felt as if I was wandering somewhere, not only could I sense motion, but I could also hear it. As I was wandering through the darkness, I could sense the openness and vast expanse of whatever it is I was in, which was when I began to feel as if I was walking through a Colosseum.

I began to hear the chanting of a male choir, who were repeating the words “Om, om, om, om, ne-Pierre”. I was completely oblivious as to what was going on at this point, and with a complete lack of control, I continued through the experience.

The darkness, motion, and all of the things which I could sense began to fade away. As I slowly came round, I felt a huge amount of pressure on the right hand side of my brain, followed by hearing incredibly loud and intense white noise / static also from the right hand side of my head. My entire body felt tense, and I continued to feel slight pressure and a weird feeling my head until I decided to go to sleep about twenty minutes later.

At first I believed this all to be down to a seizure, however, I have experienced seizures many times and they have never been anything like that. It would also be impossible for it to have been a seizure as when I came to consciousness, I was still sitting in the chair as I previously had been; only ten minutes or so had passed. This was a very weird experience in its entirety, I still can’t quite get my head around all of this, although it does retain similarity to both of The Murder Premonition (Part II)experiences.

I am finding this difficult to process, therefore it shall remain an unexplained event which resides in the deepest parts of my mind.

A Schizoaffective Story Time: Being Followed

This incident is something that I have never given thought to until this year, it had simply remained a memory stuck deep within my mind. At this time I wasn’t aware that I was ill, therefore I did not see it as an indication to anything being wrong; however, in hindsight I can now see and understand why this happened.

I was 15 years old at the time, which was over three years ago now. Throughout the entirety of this experience, and the months that followed, this was all very real to me. There was never a point in which I believed that my mind could just be making this up, and that it wasn’t really happening.

By the time I was 15 years old, I had been smoking tobacco for over a year. Of course, my parents had no idea that I had taken up smoking, and they wouldn’t for another year; and this is where everything began. As summer approached, I began to believe that my mum had told her friends to watch and follow me in order to catch me smoking. This wasn’t any small belief, it completely consumed my life for the next couple of months.

Whenever I was out in the town which we lived with my friends, I could see my mums friends everywhere. They were everywhere I went, they followed me no matter how far away I attempted to go. At one point, I saw one of her friends hiding in a bush, they walked out of the bush to make themselves noticeable and then stepped back into the bush and disappeared. Then I began seeing them hiding in alley ways or buildings, wherever I was passing, they would be there. Inevitably, this grew incredibly frustrating, and that is when I finally decided to confront my mother about all of this.

By confront, I mean angrily ask why she has bothered to go to such lengths to find out whether I smoke or not, and for her to tell her friends to stop doing all of this. She rightfully denied playing any part in the non-existent conspiracy to see whether I smoke or not, yet I still didn’t want to take a no for an answer. Whilst this experience continued, I held this against my mother strongly, and continually asked her to make it stop. By now she simply found it hilarious that I truly believed all of this, neither of us knew that I was ill at this point.

My mother and I can both laugh about this now, as I also do find it hilarious in hindsight; but this was a very real experience to me at the time, and there was no convincing me otherwise. It is quite terrifying to know how easily delusions and paranoia can take over your life.

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A Schizoaffective Story Time: The Murder Premonition – Part II

This is the second and final part to the Murder Premonition story. If you have not ready Part I of this story, please click here to do so.

The following is another excerpt from my personal journal detailing the final part of the Murder Premonition experience.

“A few months following the first murder premonition, a second one occurred under very similar circumstances. Once again I was sitting in my room in a conscious and comfortable state, I was experiencing no stress whatsoever.

Suddenly I realised I was lying on a floor in a musky and seemingly unfurnished room. I believe it was unfurnished as the walls were paperless and had been left unpainted; as I was lying on the floor the first thing I noticed was that I was lying on floorboards. As I came to consciousness within this place and my vision cleared, I immediately felt the same pain I experienced in my left shoulder blade during my previous premonition, yet this time it was in the lower left side of my stomach. Blood was strewn across floorboards which led up to a pair of distressed black boots which were covered in blood; this was all I could see.

I attempted to breathe and soon began coughing up blood, as I gasped in between the coughs of blood I realised they were in vain. I was repeatedly kicked by whoever the person was wearing the black boots, they were standing in a doorway so I am led to believe that I was only slightly through the door of the room which seemed to be abandoned.

Once again I came round to find myself in my room, with only a small amount of time passing. Although there was no date stated. Which leads me to believe that this was a hallucination, although I still retain belief in the original premonition.”

This experience affected me far less than the first premonition, although this could have been due to it being the second premonition, making it far less surprising than the first. This experience did not trigger any delusions either, and I do still believe that this was a hallucination, whereas I still firmly believe in what was foretold during the first premonition.

A Schizoaffective Story Time: The Murder Premonition – Part I

Welcome to my first article within the Schizoaffective Story Time series. This is the first time I have ever wrote publicly about something like this, as it is very personal and it is very revealing. However, when I first began this blog I wrote it with the intention of providing an honest and uncensored view of life with schizoaffective disorder, therefore I feel that it is necessary to share these stories with you. The following is an excerpt from my personal journal detailing an experience I had a few years back.

“Although I have touched on this subject in the past, you have no understanding of it at all as what I wrote was written in an extremely delusional state; therefore it hardly made sense, although it made perfect sense to me.

Anyway, this is about the murder premonition; or more specifically, my murder premonition. Now, I do still call it this, as I’m still not entirely sure if it was an hallucination or if it actually was a premonition. Although it would most likely be considered a delusion, I do still have some belief in what was foretold. The incident went as followed:

I was sitting in my bedroom one day when I was either 14 or 15 years old, I’m not entirely sure. I had already been rather ill for the past year or two, but I don’t think anything this intense had occurred yet. As I was saying, I was sitting in my bedroom, nothing was out of the ordinary; I was simply contemplating what to do.

The next thing I know I am walking down a street somewhere unfamiliar, although I was in my body, I had absolutely no control over it. It was like watching a movie from a first-person view. I could tell it was night time as the sky was dark and the street I was walking down was illuminated by yellow street lights. I could tell it had been raining as the floor was glistening as the light reflected off the water.

I was walking with friends as far as I could tell, we were all laughing and just talking as friends do. Everything seemed perfectly calm. However, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in the back of my left shoulder blade and saw a dark red colour oozing through my black or gray t shirt; which turned out to be my blood as I had been stabbed with a knife.

As this happened the person barged past me and carried on running down the street, they were a dark figure and I could not see who they were as by this time my vision had gone blurry. I immediately felt weak and fell to my knees, all I could here were the screams of others as I fell to the cold, wet ground. As I faded out of consciousness I could hear the sounds of sirens in the distance.

After I did lose consciousness I came round to find myself sitting in the exact same spot in my room, only 5 or 10 minutes had passed. When I woke up, I was told a date, and that date is 21st May 2025, and that is the day I am going to die.”

As you can imagine, this was an exceptional intense experience, especially for a 14 or 15 year old. This experience is what has and still fuels one of my most prominent delusions to this day. Although I still cannot convince myself that it is indeed a delusion.

This experience has never left me, and I doubt it ever will.

A Schizoaffective Story Time Series – Introduction

A Schizoaffective Story Time is a series that I am beginning to write detailing some of my personal experiences with schizoaffective disorder. The experiences included in this series will be leaning towards the more significant events that have occurred due to my illness rather than the minor ones. However, this series will vary greatly and should be able to provide an all-around view into the life of someone with schizoaffective disorder.

I will be posting the first addition to this series tonight (UK), or for those of you in a different time zone, a couple of hours from now.

As I want this series to be a more permanent edition to the blog, I will only be posting a story every now and then. This is to ensure that I don’t run out of experiences before I gain anymore. The stories will be a mixture of the both good and bad times of my life, as not to provide a biased view. I hope you enjoy this series, and I hope it helps you to understand the difficulties an individual may face when suffering from schizoaffective disorder.