Unfortunately, it’s a few months down the line and although I have done this before (Taking it Easy, Taking it Easy: Part II), I am going to have to do this again. I cannot write currently, and nor do I want to at this moment in time. I simply cannot take this any more.
Over the past few months I have been on a steady downhill slope, however over the past two weeks or so that downhill slope has progressed to being almost vertical, and I am falling into the depths of depression increasingly fast. Not only am I depressed, I have become paranoid and delusional with or without reason. I have absolutely no idea of what is going on any more, I can’t think, I can’t speak; it’s almost as if I am not really here any more.
As well as attempting to deal with and manage my illness, there are a number of external sources and issues causing me distress at this point in my life. These are things that I certainly will need to write about in time, but right now they are things that I need to process and deal with within the real world, and not online. I am beginning to find my involvement within the mental health community is now causing me problems, rather than providing me benefits. This is through no fault of the mental health community, but through my faults only.
I am hoping that my absence will not be for too long of a time, but I have no idea as to how long the duration of the break which I need is. I cannot help other people when I cannot help myself, I need time alone, away from the entire concepts of mental health and mental illness. I do not want to say or promote things that I do not currently believe; hope is non-existent, and I see no light.
I want to thank each and every member of the mental health community and my readers for everything that you have ever done for me, this is not goodbye forever, but it is for now.