Recently, my brain has felt as if I have put it in a blender and mashed it all up, and now that it’s strewn across the walls, I can no longer think.
My mind is incredibly disorganised, my speech, behaviour, emotions and thoughts are all over the place. I cannot initiate or maintain any form of conversation due to the fact that I cannot articulate or convey my thoughts or emotions, about anything.
Although I am managing to keep up with my current article schedule, I have found that I have become far slower with my writing. Although it is no surprise as if my mind is all over the place, it is far more difficult to put a sentence together, whether that be through vocal communication or in writing. My thoughts have left me absolutely perplexed, I feel as if I have no thoughts or that there is too many thoughts; constantly having to process all of this is incredibly toilsome.
Not only have my thoughts been disorganised, but they are also becoming increasingly abnormal and weird. I am thinking about things which I would not typically think about, however I cannot seem to get them to leave my mind, nor do I entirely want to. I am unsure as to why I feel this way, but sometimes, abnormal thoughts can be rather comforting. Many odd theories and ideas have come to me, but I know better than to act on them simply because my mind wants me to do so; that could end rather terribly.
On top of all of this, I also seem to be stuck in what I refer to as zombie mode. I call it this as each and every day that I seem to physically wake, I do not wake mentally. It’s as if my brain is stuck in limbo, continuously wandering across the vast void that is my mind.
I have absolutely no idea of what is going on any more, everything is a mess; my mind, my entire being. I ache for some peace.