Losing Your Emotions

Recently, I wrote an an article about Talking About How You Feel. I have never been able to talk about my thoughts and feelings, yet it seems to be growing increasingly worse; and I am beginning to think that it is perhaps because there is simply nothing to talk about.

Let me explain.

Although I may not be able to convey my thoughts or feelings at any given time, I am aware that they are there. I know what I am thinking and feeling, even if I cannot share it. However, currently I am not aware of what I am thinking or feeling. It is as if my thoughts are there, but they are also not there. I can feel nothing, but I can also feel too much. It is as if my mind has been immersed in a mist that I cannot navigate my way through.

I’ve always believed that I have been extremely emotionally intelligent, from a particularly young age. I have never found myself in a position where I don’t know or understand what it is that I am thinking and feeling. I am aware when I am feeling something, I am aware when I am feeling nothing; yet for the past couple of months, I have no idea where I currently am with my mental illness, and it is beginning to become a concern.

Am I losing insight? Do I no longer understand my illness? Or merely this part of my illness?

I am plagued with feelings of apathy and indifference. Everything is becoming dim and grey once again. I am not experiencing my emotions, I am stuck within the vast void of nothingness and I’m not sure that I can find my way out; at least not any time soon.

I am empty, I am numb.

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2 thoughts on “Losing Your Emotions

  1. I have felt numb before when feeling low and depressed. When I had my numbness, I was so depressed, I went to the doctors. I can’t see you, so it makes it hard to judge, but with what you are saying, if you feel the need to speak to your doctor about this, I would. They will listen and you both can go from there in agreement on what you want to do, like medication readjusted, or anything else. They are there to help you.

    You are definitely not losing insight, because you are able to explain how you feel here.

    Liked by 1 person

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