I don’t believe that I’ve mentioned this on my blog before, but I am an avid reddit user. I use reddit for many things, but the first point that I would like to make is that it is a great place to educate yourself about mental health. As well as provide and receive support and advice from other reddit users who are suffering from the exact same issues. It’s anonymous which also tends to make a huge difference in a persons ability to talk about their problems, and this way, no one would even know it’s you; which is exactly why I recommend that people suffering from mental health problems use reddit for an extra bit of support.
Two nights ago, I wrote a post on reddit in the /r/schizophrenia subreddit about an issue I have been struggling with a lot for the past few months; which is an issue that I also want to share here. The reddit post read the following:
“No matter how hard I try, or how comfortable I am with that person, I simply cannot talk about how I feel.
Since first becoming ill five years ago, the question “how are you?” has become a statement to which I provide the automatic reply of “I’m good, you?” regardless of how I am feeling.
I have been trying my best to tell my girlfriend how I am actually feeling, as she can see that I am clearly not doing well; yet every time we talk about how I’m doing the words that I am trying to get out cause me to feel as if I am choking or that something is crushing my chest, and I sit there in silence.
I have never been able to tell anyone how I am feeling, it feels completely abnormal to me, and all of my attempts to change this seem to be to no avail.
I no longer have any idea of how to deal with this any more, I am truly lost.”
I am in the exact same position with both of my parents, although I am lucky enough to have parents that would understand how I’m feeling, something still stops me from being able to talk to them. It has reached the point where my mother thinks that I am doing extremely well when I’ve actually been a complete mess for the past month or two. I could not talk openly and honestly with my psychiatrist either, it is clearly beginning to become a problem.
Another issue which comes into play here, is the fact that people do become tired of constantly hearing that you are not doing well; even when they are the one who asked you how you are feeling. Which is another reason why I feel the need to avoid telling others how I truly feel.
Conversation seems meaningless, I am simply talking to fill the emptiness.
I have always dealt with my mental illness myself, everything that I think and feel remains in my head. However, everything seems to be escalating to a point far beyond my control, yet I still have no way to let it out; other than through my writing.
With the responses I’ve received so far, it seems that I am not the only one who is currently struggling with this issue, which allowed for some truly beneficial advice to be shared.
You can read the full reddit post and responses here.