Within the Shackles of the Unknown: A Loss of Insight

For the past two weeks I have not been able to write a single article, although I promised myself I wouldn’t allow that to happen. Unfortunately, there are times in which I cannot control my mental illness, or the direction my life is going in; I lose the ability to play an active role within my life, and that’s when my mental illness has truly taken over.

As the title of this article states, I have been increasingly losing insight over the course of the past few months; which has escalated to such a degree that I no longer know what I am experiencing. I simply know that I am not doing well. Usually I would be aware of exactly what I was experiencing, whether that be mania, depression, psychosis or mixed episodes. However, I seem to have lost that ability.

I am constantly plagued by negative thoughts and emotions, and all attempts to make them cease or at least subside to some degree have been to no avail. Although I have no intention of committing suicide at this time, it is one subject which I cannot get off of my mind. The thought of suicide is constantly there, regardless of whether I wish to think about the subject or not. The amount of apathy and indifference I feel towards the act of suicide also concerns me.

My mind refuses to be quiet, which leaves me currently incapable of doing pretty much anything. Once again I am revelling in isolation, as I truly do wish to avoid as much physical interaction with people as I can. I have reached the point where I am that paranoid that everything is becoming a question, I cannot trust a single person. I am being bombarded with abnormal thoughts and beliefs which I simply cannot let go off, although I do not wish them to be true. My mind is obsessing and ruminating over things that it shouldn’t, I have no control over my mind or thoughts any more; my mental illness has gone into overdrive and I have been left to take the back seat.

As the days and weeks pass by I lose more and more insight, I am unsure as to how far I am going to lose myself and my mind; my grip on reality has already began to slip.

I am lost within the tunnel, and the light is growing dimmer.

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5 thoughts on “Within the Shackles of the Unknown: A Loss of Insight

  1. Sorry to hear you are not feeling well and although what you are feeling may be a scary place at the moment, the important thing is you recognise you are not well.

    Take the break you need to recover and I hope you are not alone at this difficult time. Do you have the necessary support for this difficult time? I hope so. Talking will help as you already know and your blogging I bet does too. But your blog and followers will still be here if you need that break. Take care.

    Like

  2. Hey Dayne 😊 Just replying means you didn’t go further down and that’s all good ! I am so god you have loved ones with you to understand you and let you be you instead of having to put a false face on , because that is the worst thing ever.
    It is clear you have support of your followers , now an extra one ….MoiπŸ€“ that is amazingπŸ‘
    if you ever need to chat just message and I will be on the other end of the keyboard for you.

    You have been out , bought books YAY , gotta love a good book. Your doing really well πŸ’‘πŸ’‘πŸ’‘πŸ’‘πŸ’‘πŸ’‘πŸ”¦πŸ”¦πŸ”¦πŸ”¦πŸ”¦πŸ”¦πŸ”¦πŸ”¦πŸ”¦πŸ”¦
    take this light in the meantime hope it helps πŸ˜‰

    Laura
    🌹

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! It is wonderful to know that I have you support, and I’m sure I’ll take you up on that offer sometime!

      I do adore reading, it is something that has been of great use to me over the years. Haha I’m sure it will, thank you once again, I wish you the best!

      Like

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