I have been detailing my transition of care for a while now, in fact, this is the 4th article about this experience since it began at the very start of June. My aim was to detail everything that has happened, as it’s happening, in order to achieve my aim I feel that writing this article is necessary. This is my aim as I wish to provide insight into the experiences patients may have at the hands of a mental health service, including the problems they may encounter.
To begin, I have not been seen by a psychiatrist for almost 3 months now; yet my mental health care team promised that I would not be left to my own accord without being seen by a psychiatrist for that amount of time. During the previous weeks prior to the beginning of my transition of care, it was clear to both me and my psychiatrist that I was well on my way to experiencing full blown mania. I was manic during both June and July; although a lot of incredibly crazy and dangerous events occurred, I managed to escape this episode with only moderate damage, which is significantly better than typically ruining my life during the process. However, as I have previously mentioned, once the manic episode began to subside, I felt as if I was on the verge of a psychotic episode. Over the past two weeks or so, what I have been experiencing has escalated significantly. Though, there is not much I can achieve in this situation, as I am completely against medication when it comes to myself; for many reasons.
I finally received a letter for the first appointment with my new psychiatrist a couple of days ago, however, I really do not want to attend this appointment as I have many problems with this psychiatrist. Similarly to most psychiatrists, all he will talk about it medication when he is very aware of my stance on the matter. I had made my requirements clear in what I would need to maintain a good / stable psychiatrist and patient relationship with him, yet he has not abided to them whatsoever. I feel that almost everything that I have said has been completely disregarded, and that he is interested in my illness as a ‘case’ and from a work perspective only. He was also the one who wanted me to be under the care of the Early Psychosis Intervention team, which was a disaster in its entirety.
Yesterday I had to take an ridiculously long trip to London for a specialist psychiatric appointment which should be accessible to me within the country of which I reside, however it is not. I also believe that as a mentally ill person, I should not be forced to travel such a distance upon public transport and be in a place of which I am unfamiliar with. As a result, my mind is a complete mess. I am still yet to wrap my head around the whole ordeal, therefore I am going to insert the following excerpt from my personal journal which currently details the experience to my best ability:
“Yesterday was the day that I had to travel all the way to London, merely for a psychiatric appointment; which is absurd. This day was without a doubt one of the worst days of my life. I have been on the verge of a psychotic episode for a while, and this event has exaggerated my symptoms dramatically. I was extremely paranoid, experienced multiple panic attacks,and almost dissociated completely a good few times. It has also increased the severity and vividness of my hallucinations, as well as invoking some delusional thinking. This has made me realise how dysfunctional I truly am.”
This excerpt clearly shows that it was far from a pleasant experience, which I thankfully will not have to experience until next May; although now it is a constant worry at the back of my mind. I hope to forget about it until next year, as I simply do not need an addition to my current problems.