Fear. I’m sure it’s something we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives, and some more than others. Simply put, fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger or harm. A lot of people will go through life carrying the same set of fears, which are usually along the lines of fearing death, how you die, ending up alone or being in the dark. Then of course some people will have their specific phobias with or without reason.
The reason I am writing this article and talking about this subject is because of a conversation I had with my psychiatrist a few months back, which led to me having the same conversation with a close friend around a week ago. The question that initiated both of these conversations is “what do you fear?”. Due to the way my life has been and the things that I have seen during my existence, I came to the conclusion that I don’t fear anything, and that is the honest truth.
However, after some discussion, I soon realise that that wasn’t true entirely. I do have a fear, and that fear is being stuck. Now, I don’t mean being stuck in small spaces, or quick sand or anything in the literal sense. By being stuck, I simply mean grinding to a halt in life, and doing nothing to further better myself or the lives of those around me. I do not want to settle for less in this life, I do not want to just accept the way things are and continue with my life. I don’t want to wake up someday, to see that half of my life has gone and I’ve done absolutely nothing with it. As far as we all know, regardless of your religious beliefs, we only live once. Therefore I wanted to live my live to fullest, I want to feel alive and not just feel like I am merely existing.
About a month or two ago, I finally had the courage and strength to walk away from a 1 and a half year relationship. The issue here was it was not a healthy relationship, and I couldn’t see that; I wasted over 1.5 years of my life in an abusive relationship that was going nowhere and did nothing but cause me pain. I was perfectly okay with this, I did settle for less, I did get stuck in life and I couldn’t see what was wrong. However, I’m going to leave the details of this out for a separate article, as I know that I’m still not ready to talk about it.
I have lived through my fear, and I would never allow myself to do that again, whether it’s being stuck in a relationship or any other aspect of life. I am going to do everything I can to ensure that my fear never arises in my life and consumes it again. For a very long time, I always felt like I had too much time on my hands, and boredom was a regular occurrence. Over the course of the past six months, I’ve realised how quickly time does move, and how I’m never going to get any of that time back. Now, I never waste time; not even a second of it. I am adamant that I am going to spend my time doing the things that make me happy and the things I love. I am going to make my impact on this world, I am not going to settle for less, I will not accept the way things are if they are causing harm or devaluation another person or a group of people; I will be the person to stand up and fight against it. I have and am dedicating my life to helping other people, it is what I love to do most; even if I only ever make someone smile once, that is more than enough for me, I don’t want anything back for it. I do not want people to feel they need to repay me for helping them, all I ask is that they do the same and help others.
I’ll stand up for those who can’t, being stuck is not an option.